Here Lies

Written by Althea Velarde

So, here I am again

Writing another lengthy rant to youI wasn’t supposed to do this since I had done many of these back then

But you know what, why not?

It took me ages to get back to writing after the damage I had taken from us

I could barely get words out of my system from how broken my heart was,

and how boggled my mind was from everything going on with us

Here lie the pages we could’ve written with our lives together

Here lies the promises we can never make

Here lie all those memories that I will no longer go back to

Here lies you, whom I thought would be mine and true

Here lie those lines of

“I love you”.

“I’d never leave you.”

“One day I’ll marry you.”

“I’ll stay with you.”

Those lines I used to have my heart flutter from

And know lies that haunt me with the question why:

Why did you do this to me?

Why was it so easy for you to do the things I hate?

Why did I never cross your mind when doing the things I told you not to?

Why did you never try?

Why did you let me go so easily?

You spoke to me about what we have that was special

That I was someone not easy to let go of, someone you’d have your life with

That I am irreplaceable, that I was yours, that one day we’ll be one

The things that happened to us were something that we weren’t to blame for 

But maybe the problems that were around us were solvable if you just tried

I know that you were tired, exhausted even

But even if I had no more life left in me to save what we have

I still tried to keep our ship afloat because I don’t ever want us to fall

We climbed up and faced the bullets in the front lines, 

But how could you leave me so easily once you saw that the enemies were stronger and fiercer than we thought?

You left me at the rage of war, thinking I’d have you beside or behind me

But why, why did you run and go back to the trenches, leaving me all alone?

The bullets’ hits were nothing compared to the piercing pain you did to me

I saw how sorry you were with your eyes, and how you apologized through them

But what can those tears do to the blood I’ve shed on the ground?

I WROTE YOU PARAGRAPHS

I WROTE YOU ESSAYS

LETTERS

PAGES

TRILOGIES

OF HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

YOU WERE MY SUBJECT, YOU WERE MY ESCORT

I FEARED THE DAY THAT THESE WILL ALL TURN INTO USELESS PAPERS

 I FEARED THAT YOU AS WELL WILL THROW MY PAGES AWAYYOU WASTED MY PAPERS, MY INK 

THE PAIN IN MY EYES, BACK, HANDS AND CHEST WERE UNBEARABLE

I HAD TO FIND EVERY WORD OF ALL THE LIBRARIES IN THE WORLD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND

I EVEN LEARNED THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE YOU SPOKE

BUT ALL OF THAT WENT DOWN THE DRAIN

WHEN YOU LEFT MY LIBRARY WITH NOTHING

ONLY I AND THE UNPUBLISHED LOVE STORY THAT WE HAVE REMAINS

Here lies the love we once had,

the love that can never be 

The love that has fulfilled and broken me badly 

Here lies the memories and the purity of our romance 

Here lies the love we could have had, but all of that down the drain, never to be given another chance

The cause of the heartbreak has always been a mystery,

Was it because of someone else? Was there a lack in you or me?

How can something be so perfect that was filled with genuine happiness

Draw to having each other held hostage being driven with hurt and madness?

I never wanted to pull the trigger

Despite having plenty of bullets to shoot you where it hurts most 

But my love, you were clever

You brought a knife at a gun fight, amazing how I had the upperhand and still lost

 I let you stab me, I let it go deeper, I let it bleed

 Until I have run dry, I plead for mercy yet you just watched me

 You watched me grip unto your shoulders as I slowly fall to the ground 

Thinking that maybe if I lose more of me, things will go back to the way it was

How was it so easy for you to do everything I hated accordingly, perfectly?

While I was begging to the heavens to release me from this pain, to take me out of my misery 

You were laughing with the crowd and turned your back from me While I was shedding tears, puking my guts out crumpled in a fetus position

 I still chose to stay, fight for our love despite the fatigue and exhaustion 

But in return, you sigh in disappointment and leave me with a deafening silence as a response

How I miss how my stomach and cheek would hurt with the jokes we used to tell 

The many times we’d go hours in call since it always seemed that time wasn’t enough

 How I miss those times I could be silly and yap about anything and everything

 How everything was how it used to be, peaceful and true

How you’d be the king of my heart, and I would be the queen of yours

But maybe, it wasn’t truly supposed to be that way 

Maybe, it was too good to be true

Maybe, it wasn’t supposed to last

 Maybe, you were meant to be a lesson after all, like you said, but not someone to stay 

The coffin is to be left permanently, what died must be left dead

Actions we’ve taken have been done, and we cannot take back the words we said

To my first and true love, I yearn for your love and I apologize

To the one who I loved dearly but someone I deeply despise

I thank you for everything and I hate you for all of that has happened

But then again, let the dead rest in peace,

 We can only remember and mourn, but we can never take them back 

Here lies

Who we were

Who we used to be

What could have been