LIWAYWAY – Sigbin | Boys with Pretty Faces, Don’t Leave Good Graces

Isinulat ni Althea Lauren Velarde

What a liner, what a questionable thought. How can a beautiful face have an ugly heart? It contradicts what I see on TV, good guys look handsome or pretty, and the bad guys are not much of a sight. 

I was born in a family surrounded by loving, caring women–my mother, my aunties, my cousins, but from all of them, I find my grandmother the one closest to me, the one who shows me the most love and care in the family. They all find ways to tell me they love me. May it be through physical affection, by giving me gifts (snacks and dolls would be my favorite thing to receive), cooking with my aunties and my mother, patintero or dolls with my cousin, and even in the simplest ways of clipping my nails or brushing my hair, grandma usually does that the most. I could still remember what she told me as she brushed my hair in the living room:

“Be careful who you let inside your heart, iha,” my grandmother says, “they can smother you with love like we do, and treat you like royalty, yet they could hide ill intentions towards you.”

She puts a few strands of my hair behind my ear and says:

“You are too precious, our dear flower– It would be a pain in my heart, and my whole world would crumble if I ever saw you shed tears in your eyes. So please, our little hija, listen to my words, listen carefully and understand…Boys with pretty faces don’t leave good graces.”

That was years ago. 

It has been a long time, and yet it’s still a thought for me. What does she mean by that? Those words were engraved in my mind, to be repeated so many times by my grandmother? There wouldn’t be a doubt. It is a wonder, though, where did she get that idea from? Is it because of grandfather? As far as I know, he always treated grandmother lovingly. Is it a member of our family? Hard to say, never met all of them

Or maybe because grandmother indulged herself too much in the library for her to draw conclusions?

Who am I to know anyways? Plus, how would I know? Grandmother is gone now, oh, how I miss her.

I can still remember when I was still a little girl. I know that often I would prefer to play outside with my friends, but my grandmother always finds a way for me to join her in the library. We would find books on our shelves and read a set we took for a good hour. I remember getting bored one time, and repeatedly looking at the door to go play outside with my cousins and neighbors, not until my grandmother brought out a new book she had bought from a bookstore, “Mga Nilalang Na Kagila-Gilalas.” I thought that the book sounded serious and deep since the title was intriguing. I could remember how indulged I was, it’s as if I was being pulled in by the book. All was well, and it was just another nod to go to the next page until we flipped the page to this creature called “Sigbin.” I first thought to myself that it looked like a weird, goat-like dog that has somewhat of a kangaroo tail at first glance. My grandmother asks if she could read it for me, and I instinctively say yes, snuggling up close to her. 

I couldn’t understand or remember the descriptions she said, but I do remember the words and phrases of 

“Nag-aanyong balang o palaka ang mga ito”, 

“Iniinom ang dugo ng kanilang biktima”, 

“Sinisipsip ang anino ng kaniyang biktima”, 

And “nakakapagdulot din ito ng sakit at nakakamatay ang kanilang kagat.” 

As a child, it was a lot for me to take in, and it did terrify me–made me cry even. But I do like how my grandmother comforted me afterwards, she held me close, patted my back, and dried my tears. After that, she tells me:

“Our little hija, these stories are scary, but they tell a lesson. The thing is, creatures like these don’t exist at all, but be careful, my dear, they may not be real, but people can be monsters too. So you must keep safe, be watchful, they could be as far as bazillions of kilometers, but they can be like a sigbin, someone close to you, like a pet.” 

Setting that thought aside, I must now focus on the present. The fact is: I’m in college now. So, meaning, things are getting serious: heavier workloads, new environment, pulling all-nighters, new people, and so many more. The bell rings, meaning it is the hour to start classes. I arrived a few minutes earlier to unpack my things, and I put down my notebook, pencil case, water bottle, and such. It was hassling, and I was taking up a little space, so I kept moving around my seat.  How exciting it is to unfold my college chapters. Everything is planned: my academic marks, the friends I’d have, to work hard and graduate, I internally repeat to myself: Focus, Focus! FOCUS! I was fixing my things then 

“Oof!”

I get bumped by a student, a pretty strong arm, actually, and the impact was so strong that I fell on the floor

“Sorry, I didn’t see you there! Here, let me help you”, what a sweet thing to say, I think to myself.

You know, wise guy, you should’ve watched where you’re going, and it would’ve been easier to forgive you if looked go–

Oh! I…uh…what a sight

Dark hair, beautiful face structure, glistening eyes, soft lips, broad shoulders, and– wow… he’s so pretty 

“Miss, are you alright? You sure have a grip on my hand there.”

I snap back to reality, oh goodness, that was embarrassing, I take my hand off his, and apologize for staring too long. We both shrugged it off and shared a laugh, and from there, it went on. That is where it all started. It was the hour before our class started, but that was also the start of something new, a friendship that turned into something more. He was the guy who bumped me and got me falling over to the guy who got me head over heels for him. Is this what they call accidentally in love? Is this fate? 

Who cares? One thing’s for sure, he wasn’t part of the plans, but he made me cancel my plans. He got me so hooked on him and sweeps me off my feet

Time goes by, and everything is going great. Having my boyfriend with me, being popular with the other kids, going out and having fun, and having no stress with academics. This is the life, all eyes on me, without a thought of worries anywhere.

Or so I thought. 

All of that happiness was short-lived. 

A little birdie told me, when I thought that all was well, that a time when I let you out with your friends, you went fooling around. You lied to them! You lied to me! You acted and charmed them with your words as if you didn’t have a girlfriend waiting for you at home! You told me nothing happened! You told me you loved me regardless! You told them that you were the same age as them! You went on preying on girls younger than you! I thought that all of the things you did and told me were exclusively for me

But that birdie told me that you said the exact same things to get me head over heels for you. You did things for them to have their praise and attention. Your gluttony and greed disgust me!

I gave you my heart because I thought you’d treasure it and wear it on your sleeve. You took my heart and the other women you’ve met in a jar to collect for your jar of hearts. What you did was not out of love, but rather to boost yourself. My heart, and theirs, were used to boost your ego and show it off to other men, to show how powerful you are. But you, “my love,” are not strong; you are weak. You needed my heart and the hearts of many women to boost yourself. It only means you are powerless and insecure without our validation. You needed the pieces of others to make yourself whole. 

You know what? This must have been a reason why I remember those descriptions of the creature my grandmother used to tell me, Sigbins are what they were called, a lot like your character, “my love.”

Nag-aanyong balang o palaka ang mga ito.

Just like you, you tend to become a “balang” or “palaka” to women, you jump from one to another, to where it best suits you, and since you’re the type to be easily unsatisfied. 

Iniinom ang dugo ng kanilang biktima.

My life may have been the best it has ever been since I stepped into college, but you sure know how to drain the life out of me. I strive to become better and succeed, and rather than uplift me and become, as you say, “your personal inspiration,” you depended on me. I did so because of love and for both of our success, yet it did become heavier and heavier as time passed by.

Sinisipsip ang anino ng kaniyang biktima.

I chose to become your girlfriend, and I chose for you to be my boyfriend, but you have marked people’s minds by only knowing those two facts about us. You marked my identity by only surrounding it with the idea that I am your girlfriend, and that is all to it. You had a chance to prove yourself to others, yet I was hidden and unable to speak because that is all I am to the public’s eyes. 

Nakakapagdulot din ito ng sakit at nakakamatay ang kanilang kagat.

What you did to me could have been the death of me, but I chose to be alive and live my life content and happily. I will move on, but the damage done will take a long time to recover, and I cannot forgive you for that. 

There will be a day when you will lose your ego and pride, and you will keep preying on the hearts of many. You will leech onto their lives and energies because you don’t have one yourself.  But your debt to the Lord and to the women, their families, and generations will charge you greatly; your sins will not be unseen, count your days, and make every moment last because you can’t always be a happy camper. 

And that, my friends, is another lesson of the day, Sigbins don’t only apply to appearance but also to their personalities. And remember, be mindful and careful who you share pieces of you and your heart with, for: Boys with pretty faces, don’t leave good graces.